Chilren of Earth was shite. Pure shite. Oh okay that’s going a bit far what was good about it? Well of course the best thing you have going for you is Captain Jack Harkness who is brilliantly played by John Barrowman and you have the fascinating world of Torchwood , spinoff of the absolutely amazing revamp of Doctor Who.  Outside of that you have the idea that if you were to show us a miniseries then you would have a captive audience so good on you for realizing that and then you have……..crap.

We start with a somewhat interesting concept of all of Earth’s children stopping/speaking in unison. a message, an otherwordly message we come to believe, is emitting from them. What is going on? It’s crazy and mad. We also have ,for some idiot reason, the government trying to shut down Torchwood (set up, in essence, to deal with this sort of thing). Of course its because they are trying to cover up a shameful past. Right, whatever.  I won’t explain the miniseries any further. If you’ve seen it then you know what happened.

So first off tell me why am I supposed to be afraid of something called 4,5,6. Is sequentaility something fearful in the UK? In the rest of the world its nothing more than a random bit of numbers. It is a lazy name and all I can think is that the name came about like R2D2 except we got a funny sort’ve interesting name there and here we got laziness.

So what the fuck is the 4,5,6? Why should I be afraid or it?  I understand it came to earth in a blaze of fire and an annoucement that controlled all children to make them scream, speak and point at the same time.  Other than that why am I to be afraid of them? At no point did it show any kind of power that would cause all the nations of this earth to bow down to this alien and give it 10% of the Earth’s children? Are you insane? At least blow up the white house, toppel the eiffel tower or burn down London Bridge. Do SOMETHING to show that we should be completely afraid of this power but come about in a blaze of fire and speak in a gassy chamber and never be completely seen? Fuck right off.  I’d be more afraid of Freddy Krueger than this farty gassy alien.  But whatever.

Also Is this it? Is Russell T. Davies and party damned and determined to make us all think that all people in Natonal government are spineless people ready to roll over on anything? My God I’ve never seen a more pathetic form of propoganda than the fact that during EVERY single involvement of the govenment  they do more harm than good.  But fine continue your good anarchist fight there Russell.

And we pause just for a moment to tell BBC America that they need to learn when to cut away from a  show better.

Next we have Gwen Cooper ready to cry every few minutes. The makeup artist on that show simply must have invested in the best run-free mascara and eyeliner as they use it in gobs on her and then she is ready to cry at the drop of a hat.  Should she not be made of tougher stuff?

Last we have Captain Jack acting out of character for half of the show. Is this done to add new depth to the character or just because it seemed like a good way to add drama to the show? Whatever your reasons are…stupid move.

So wow 5+ hours of my time to see this absolute pile of poo.

Thanks! Thanks a lot! At least I may be able to count on you to not cast a gothy/twilight person as the next Doctor. Oh wait….