Two Guys, a Girl and a Blog

Welcome back to Wrestling Fast Forward. Where I watch only the good parts of Raw and fast forward through the rest. When we left our intrepid heroes, John Cena had just inadvertently clotheslined Batista, Chris Jericho was taking pride in ending Shawn Michael’s career, and our World Champion C.M Punk was um..well, who knows what he was doing. Probably off being straight laced or something.

Recap of last week’s show. Helps to remind me that Kane is also in the mix for the world heavyweight championship. Man, I should just watch the recaps. They’re good and tell the story much quicker than the actual show. Guess that’s why they’re called recaps.

I don’t think we’re actually going to see Cena vs. Batista anytime soon, as that’s a good enough match for them to save until Wrestlemania.

Live from Washington D.C, and out comes Cena. You know, I quite liked the shirt he had on last week(which bunnyfear was kind enough to link in her fashion column), but the hat he’s wearing sucks. It comes down to the fact he’s trying to be both the marine character and rapper character. He talks about how he can understand the mixed reaction he’s getting from the crowd, seeing as he socked Batista right in the mouth. But dammit! He was raised right, and he’s standing in the ring as a man to face the consequences, if Batista chooses to come out.

Batista comes out, and I take back what I said last week. I rather see him in a suit than the gay ass jersey he’s wearing tonight .Okay, I admit it, I just want him back to being the Deacon character from years back. And he tells Cena that they’re cool. Not only that, but he respects the man! Just start to make out already. Meh, start the fast forward.

And out comes the only dancing McMahon, Shane! Wow, he looks a lot older than I remember. Wonder if he can still take bumps. Talks about how there is now a new G.M, which will be announced later on. This mysterious G.M has already set up Cena and Batista vs. JBL and Kane, and C.M Punk against “the hottest free agent’. Huh, wonder who that is.

Commercials- I wonder who the new G.M will be. If I didn’t know she just gave birth, my money would be on Stephanie McMahon.

D-Lo Brown and Kelly Kelly vs Santino and Beth Phoenix in an intergender match that’s over really quick. Ends with Santino rolling Kelly up. He’s really quite happy about this win. Beth looks like the second winner from Tough Enough to me. Beth and Santino are still in the ring, with Santino trying to work up the nerve to kiss Beth. He seems like he’s not going to be able to and starts to walk away, when Beth grabs him by the hair and kisses him. Okay, I’ll admit, that was pretty funny, especially Santino’s girly screams.
Later tonight Chris Jericho’s Final Highlight Reel. Good riddance I say, I never really liked it too much.

Commercials- I should really see the Burn Notice eps I have recorded.

We’re back, with Shane starring at a picture of his old man. JBL comes out and pleads his case of how he should be the one fighting Punk at Summerslam. Shane tells him he has to take it up with the new GM. The new GM calls Shane in the phone, leaving JBL in the lurch.

World Tag Team Match- Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Jerry the King Lawler against Cody Rhodes Jr. and Ted Dibiase jr. Start FF, but stop when two referees come out to the ring. By order of the new GM, Duggan is out, replaced by Michael Cole?

Commercial- I hope I’m wrong, but I could see Cole/Lawler winning the match. Cole looks scared and confused. No interest whatsoever, so I FF.

Mike Adamle replaces Cole as the announcer. Supposedly this Adamle fellow is really, really bad.

Jaime Noble comes out with his ‘part time’ girlfriend Layla. Compares his good looks to Obama. Well, they have the same ear size if nothing else. Challenged the Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, who’s more than happy to accept.

Kofi actually gets a pretty good pop. This should be a good quick match me thinks. Nice dropkick by Kofi, which Adamle makes sure we know is a double leg dropkick. I’m really liking Kofi, he’s really a fun character. If only he had longer matches..I wonder if they keep it short to hide some kind of weakness. Matched ended with a big boot which I don’t like, hopefully that’s not his finisher.

Commercials-Really debating getting Soul Caliber

C.M Punk comes out, as does JBL for special commentary. And Punk’s opponent is…William Regal! Adamle asks us if we remember him, and I do…Former G.M of Raw that was fired in the storyline, but actually got suspended due to a drug infraction.

JBL gives credit for Punk on the way that he won the Money in the Bank match, but calls Punk a paper champion, and so far he’s right. Punk hasn’t really had a decisive victory. The match starts of with a lot of technical holds, which sadly aren’t that exciting to watch. Ouch, Regal sets up Punk’s head next to a post and gives him a kick to the head, which really bloody ups Punk. Regal continues to work the bleeding nose. Punk is looking really bad right now, with Regal pretty much controlling the match. Punk starts to mount a comeback. Nasty looking suplex by Regal! Out of nowhere C.M Punk pulls his Go To Sleep, , which is basically a fireman carry into a knee to the face. He needs something better than that.

JBL goes to the ring to confront Punk, and out comes Kane, making his way to the ring. It just dawns on me to ask why he’s been carrying a bag with him. Kane lays out JBL, and then JBL lays out Punk.

Commercial- I really don’t like the way they been treating up Punk up to this point. He won against Regal, but it looked like he got lucky, which has been his story since winning the championship.

We’re back with Lance Cade and Chris Jericho making their way to the ring for the last Highlight Reel. Cute touch with the Television in the set still being busted from way back when Jericho rammed Michael’s head into it.

Jericho talks about how once again, he came out last week and spoke the truth, and again he was vilified. Accuses the crowd of not growing up, while he himself has matured. I’m starting to like Jericho’s new character, It makes sense. He talks about how for years he was a showman and entertainer because that’s what the crowd wanted from him. How instead on focusing on the gold of the belt he focused on running the highlight reel.

Talks about how he set up a promo reel about a man that he himself put down, a great wrestler and entertainment. But it’s not Michaels..it’s Jericho himself! Show’s some of his most awesome stuff…dressing up as Doink the clown to ambush Regal, making fun of Stephanie and Randy Orton..Yes! We get his filthy, brutal, disgusting, bottom feeding trashbag ho line. Kinda disappointed they didn’t show his interaction with The Rock though.

We come back to the ring, with Jericho saying how he’s embarrassed of that side of him. Cade by the way, has done nothing but stand next to Jericho and look thoughtful. Jericho continues to boast about taking Michael out. Cade finally gets a chance to speak. Says he was saved by Jericho. Gets to the point of his promo by throwing his hat into the World Championship ring. Which I can get behind.

Started off as a good promo, but ran too long, especially for the pay off.

Commercials

JR is back. And I find that more exciting than the next match, Jillian Hall vs. Mickie. FF.

I stop to see Katie Lee knock out Mickie, all for the new G.M. Awww, now that’s a gift. She wants him to take note of the soon to be new woman’s champion, as well as Intercontinental champion, her brother Paul Burchill.

Recap of last Friday’s Smackdown. Undertaker vs. Edge in Hell in a Cell it actually a pretty enticing reason to order Summerslam. I’m thinking Edge is going to be be bumping his ass off in that match.

Some random guy in glasses is talking to Shane, trying to figure out who the new G.M is. Is it weird I’m more excited about that revelation than the last match?

Commercials.

We’re back. Summerslam consists so far of;

Triple H vs Khali

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Edge vs. Undertaker

Lawler asks the same thing I was wondering, when they were going to announce some Raw matches. I can’t see Shawn Michaels missing out Summerslam, so I’m guessing he’ll fight Jericho. The World Championship is a bit harder to figure out though. I’d prefer a one on one match, but it looks like it might be a four way.

Commercials.

Last match starts. I FF through all their entrances. I’m going to try to give this a chance.

Pretty predictable match so far. Cena is your face in peril, being worked over by both JBL and Kane. Well, if nothing else I get my answer to Kane’s burlap bag. Apparently he’s been carrying it and asking people if “he’s dead or alive”. My guess is Paul Bearer coming back. And I get bored of this match and start the FF. Match ends with Cena FU’ing Kane.

Shane comes out to end the show and announces that the new Raw Genera Manager is…

Mike Adamle???????

And he makes Cena vs. Batista for Summerslam?

Huh, two weird decisions. Adamle strikes me as quite boring so far, and doing Cena vs. Batista so early seems slightly silly considering they could have waited for Wrestlemania. Not to mention that it robs attention from the World Championship match, which I’m guess is going to be between Punk, JBL, and Kane, with maaaaybe Jericho thrown into the mix if Michael can’t make it. Anyways, watched about an hour of the show, which isn’t bad.